Mar. 21st, 2012

In which I whimsically create this journal

location: not here
mood: weird
music: 1234 - Feist
Photobucket

Meaning:
♦ this journal is semi-friends only
♦ i will hardly ever post here
♦ when i do post, it will most likely be rl rants, which will be friends-locked
♦ if i ever post fanfics, or other fanciful writing here, it'll probably be public
♦ no one will ever read this, so it doesn't matter
♦ if some wandering stranger actually ends up here, and would like to stay, comment and i might see it and add you, but probably not because i doubt i'll be here that often
♦ i'm rambling
♦ i love mew
♦ i'm here: livejournal
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Posted at 04:31 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Aug. 6th, 2008

mood: giddy
music: Neighbors - The Academy Is...

  • I desperately need a Joker icon.
  • Keltie Colleen has a gorgeous smile.
    ( Smile like you mean it girl... )
  • While Ryan Ross eases my artistic writer heart, Brendon eases everything else. And basically I'm in a Bden mood so I'm making a supposedly-small-but-now-kinda-large pispam of him. With nonsensical commentary, of course. ^^
    ( This dorky boy with a beautiful smile... )
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Posted at 10:42 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jul. 18th, 2008

unselfishly selfish

location: texas
mood: sickened
music: Ordinary Day - Vanessa Carlton
money money money

i don't want it

but i'm a selfish child
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Posted at 02:49 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jul. 6th, 2008

shrink so that everything else expands

mood: thoughtful
music: Ask Me Nothing - The Strokes
im still trying to shrink away
away away away
away from her and him and them
and it tastes like sweet mothballs on my tongue
and electric fire behind my eyelids

nothing
here i come

it's difficult. excrutiating.  painful.
but maybe that's why i want it so bad
i feel
i feel in that vast nothingness
shrinking
as everything else expands
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Posted at 09:25 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

eat my tongue [school steals your words]

mood: aggravated
music: Vision of Division - The Strokes
college is stressing me out already.
i do not need it.
not now.  not already.
i want my music.  i want my computer.
i want my paints and my words
to spill forth from a secret place
spun from honey silk and rainbow tales
spun from adolescent angst and age-old pain
spun from legs that don't work
that twitch and jerk and spaz
a manic melodic melancholic place
of dreams and innovation and hallucination and creation

stress
never seems to do me any good
except more headaches
and i don't need those either
it only makes me more spazzy more twitchy
and not in that overwhelmingly inventive way
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Posted at 09:10 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jul. 3rd, 2008

the cup is empty

mood: listless
music: Losing A Whole Year - Third Eye Blind
I can't feel anything.

Except when I read.

Or paint.

Or write.

But those sensation, those heartwrenching, impassioned emotions, are slipping slowly away from me as well.

Except not so slowly.

And I don't know what to say.

I think too much.

I hallucinate too much.  

But my voice is soundless.
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Posted at 09:20 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

Jun. 29th, 2008

In watermelon sugar the deeds were done and done again as my life is done in watermelon sugar.

music: Electable - Jimmy Eat World
In Watermelon Sugar—a queer little book that raises questions, but gives no answers.  It leaves a cyclical feeling of running around in circles, wondering, searching, but not finding, and trying to build a pleasant society around those unanswered questions, because that's just how things are, and the people like contentment.

It shows a cycle—a infinitely sad and desolate one at that.  Centered around a picturesque communal society and place called iDEATH, in which a trout hatchery is built and a river flows through the living room.  A clash and unity of technology and nature, while the technology seems to be built around nature.  A pleasant, desperate pastoral life.  A changing cycle of hippie dreams—everything things is built out of watermelon sugar, and the days are changing with the rotating colors of the sun—and harsh human reality.  

In the book, people who don't quite fit into the cycle, the pastoral life, become desperate, isolated and ultimately commit suicide, as seen with Margaret, who liked the Forgotten Works (the remnants of past technology-driven society?), and inBOIL and his gang.  

Everything is beautiful.  Love also seems empty at some points.  Passion seems lacking.  But this is pleasantry, not passion.  But maybe it's just me.  

I enjoyed the book immensely.
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Posted at 06:41 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

restless disillusionment

mood: restless
music: Troubled Times - Your Vegas
I'm restless, and I've ate up my fill of ryden right now.  I want angst, but that hurts, and I want happiness, but that's bitter.  Also, good writing is often hard to find.  My eyes burn. 

Thus, I'm going to read In Watermelon Sugar.
Richard Brautigan is queer and his queerness makes me content. 
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Posted at 03:32 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

suck out my soul [wait it's empty]

mood: numb
music: Behind the Sea - Panic at the Disco
I want to shrink.  

Shrink away to nothing.
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Posted at 02:33 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

na na na na hey hey

mood: crappy
music: This is a Dream of Win Regine - Final Fantasy

I think I just want to post so I can use my pretty icons.

Also, not being able to use the "w" key properly is a pain.

I need to get that fixed.

le sigh.

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Posted at 01:37 pm | | Give me a Heart | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend